A sense of achievement with some sadness

On Friday, we had an open day in our school to advertise for coming recruitment in June, so not only the ss’s parents came , but also the parents of the sixth graders who are considering about our school. 

As a successful headteacher in parents’ and the leaders’ eyes, i was not supposed to say any bad words against it, especially when our class even appeared many times  in the advocating video and i felt proud of my ss and parents and it somehow indeed showed that i succeeded. However, i did feel disappointed at the phony.

For example, the timetable has been changed many times just for this special Friday. And the lesson has to be especially interactive like a performance rather than a normal class so that kids at least can learn something. Everyone smiled at everything as if we were always energetic and positive. Not to say many rules are changed just for this special day.

I hate phony. But who is not one in the society?

No matter how much u hate some colleagues and wanna puke every time u have a glimpse of them, u still have to hold  that creepy grin to show ur friendliness.

Though i dont care my poker face in front of some certain guys, but only to them because i know at the bottom of my heart they can’t harm me. But it ironically makes me another phony.

At least i am not afraid to show it since i really hate them and don’t care what u think of me.

Why should i always care and care too much about how others think of me?

Being a human being and a teacher is so tiring. I always think i have to be a role model not only in front of ss but also parents. 

In the end, i have no love for me myself. By the time i come back home, i only have the poker face at home, facing my beloved family members and hushing them.

What a phony i am!