做到這些，你也可以成為孩子心中的好父母！

本文作者Sumitha Bhandarkar是“好父母”的創(chuàng)始人。曾經(jīng)，他也覺得自己不是一個好父親，犯了很多錯誤。終于有一天，他領(lǐng)悟到：好父母不是天生的，是后天塑造的。

Ever get a feeling your days are starting to look like a scene out of a bad reality show? I remember a time when every morning felt like that! My daughter was just about 3 years old then. My in-laws were visiting us. I have no idea why, but my daughter had started to really act out. She seemed to resist, fight and demand that everything must go her way. But the mother of all battles was about what clothes to wear. Every. single. morning.每天一開始，就像一段糟糕的真人秀，你是否也有過這樣的感覺？那時候女兒只有三歲，我每天早晨都有這種感覺，對此也是記憶猶新。岳父岳母來看望我們，我女兒開始無緣無故地發(fā)脾氣，反反復(fù)復(fù)，要求所有的事情都要遵循她的意思。而這所有的根源都在于——要穿什么，每天早晨都是這樣，無一例外。

Summer was long gone, and the cold winter was settling in. But she was not ready to give up her favorite summer frocks yet. She had declared war on every coat, jacket, leggings, full-sleeved shirts or winter dresses that we owned. NOT fun. After a couple of weeks of begging, pleading, bribing, screaming, crying, tantrums and threats – every single morning – we were all worn out. To me this was a double whammy. I was not just frustrated with my inability to dress her up in weather appropriate clothing, I was also eternally embarrassed about the daily spectacle that my in-laws got to witness.夏天過去了很久，寒冬也開始了，但是她還非得穿她最喜歡的那件連衣裙。大衣、夾克、打底褲、長袖T恤或冬裙，不管是什么，她都會鬧別扭，這讓我非常頭疼。不停地乞求、懇求、討好、大叫、哭泣、發(fā)脾氣和威脅，好幾周下來，每天早晨都是這樣，這讓我們都精疲力竭。這對我來說，是雙重打擊。這不僅讓我懷疑自己給女兒穿衣打扮的能力，岳父母每天看著女兒跟我掐架，讓我也很尷尬。

And then one day, my father-in-law had a suggestion. Now honestly, I can be a butt-headabout accepting advice, especially from in-laws, especially if I felt that it questions my parenting abilities. But seriously, I had no defense – any semblance of my parenting capabilities lay tattered on the floor and besides, my father-in-law is the sweetest man in the world.有一天，岳父給了我一個建議。坦白說，接受了這個建議，我現(xiàn)在都覺得自己有點(diǎn)白癡，特別是這個建議還是岳父母給的，這讓我懷疑自己為人父母的能力。我并沒有冒犯的意思——畢竟，這些情況是大家有目共睹的，我確實(shí)做得不好，再說了，我岳父是世界上最貼心的人。

So I decided to take his advice which was pretty simple – set out the clothes for the next morning on the night before, so hopefully the drama plays out in the night when things are not so rushed, instead of the morning. I actually had no expectations that it would work. I knew this just meant we would end up having two dramas – one on the night before, and one in the  morning. I was right — at first we did end up having two dramas. But my father-in-law wouldn’t give up. And his persistence paid off. Slowly, a new routine emerged. Here’s how it went –在頭天晚上找出第二天要穿的衣服，他的建議雖然簡單，但我還是決定采用，希望鬧劇會發(fā)生在晚上不匆忙的時候，而不是早上。其實(shí)我都沒指望這能起多少作用。我知道，這意味著兩場鬧劇——一個是在頭天晚上，一個是在早上。事實(shí)證明，我是對的。但我岳父沒有放棄，而他的堅持也讓這種情況有了改善，慢慢地形成了一種新的模式。

Every night about 10 minutes before it was time for bed, grandpa would ask her if she had the clothes for the next day picked out. We would sometimes have disagreement about what she picked but I continued to count through it and thanks to her impatience to get back to play, we would generally reach a quick agreement.每天晚上上床十分鐘前，外公都會問她，是否選好了第二天要穿的衣服。有時候，就她挑出來的衣服，我們也會有不同的意見，但我經(jīng)常也會堅持我自己的看法。不過，她總是想著去玩，沒有多少耐心，因此，我們經(jīng)常可以快速達(dá)成協(xié)議。

A couple of times in the morning she threw a fit and refused to wear what she had picked out, but those nights, we held fast to the policy that she wouldn’t be getting the extension and took her to bed 10 minutes earlier. After the initial bumps, the new routine was accepted! It’s been close to 2 years now, and we still follow it. Smooth nighttimes, and smooth mornings. Can you ask for anything more from life? 有幾天早晨，她大發(fā)雷霆，不愿意穿挑選出來的衣服。在晚上，我們就告訴她，現(xiàn)在必須準(zhǔn)時睡覺，晚上不可再延長十分鐘上床。折騰幾次過后，她也接受了我們的新規(guī)定?，F(xiàn)在已經(jīng)快過去兩年了，我們依舊在遵循這個規(guī)定。晚上很和諧，早上很平靜，人生再也無他求了。

It was a bit of an ‘a(chǎn)ha’ experience for me. I made me see the value in preplanning and its role in preventing explosive situations. The need to swallow pride and accept advice. The pre-planning/prevention mindset and habit doesn’t always come easy. It takes some time and effort to get into, but the results are usually so worth it.  Here are some of the lessons I learnt about prevention/pre-planning –這對我來說，簡直是個驚喜。這不僅讓我看到提前計劃的意義，也讓我看到其預(yù)防緊急情況發(fā)生的作用。這需要我們放下自尊心，接受建議。提前計劃/防御思想和習(xí)慣的建立并不是一朝一夕就可以的，需要時間和精力，但結(jié)果通常是值得的。就這點(diǎn)來說，我還是有經(jīng)驗(yàn)可談的。

1Avoid  or paln around as many  known triggers as possible知道可能發(fā)生沖突的，盡量避免或提前計劃With our daughter, as with most kids I suspect, the most common triggers for tantrum are if she is hungry, tired or close to sleep time. The next big trigger, which played out in this situation, is any sort of transitions. When we avoid these or plan around them so she is given ample time to adjust, I have found out that it is much easier to avoid explosive situations.就小孩子來說，包括我女兒，發(fā)脾氣的主要原因莫過于肚子餓了、太過勞累或鬧覺。另一大觸發(fā)器是身邊的環(huán)境出現(xiàn)了改變。若我們能避免或提前計劃的話，她就有足夠的時間去適應(yīng)，這樣的話，避免類似的沖突就會容易很多。

2Give them control留給他們一些掌控權(quán)When I started letting my daughter choose her own clothes, we ended up with some very interesting combinations of clothing. They were so interesting in fact, that I was at times tempted to pretend that I was just an aunt in charge of this child for the day…. but hey, there were no arguments, and who knows, maybe she will audition for the Next Fashion Star, someday .在開始幫她挑選衣服的時候，我們經(jīng)常會進(jìn)行一些有趣的組合。真的很有趣，有時候我會假裝我是只照顧她一天的阿姨。嘿，我們真的沒有爭吵，也許她有一天可能會參加“時尚明星”，誰知道呢？！

3Accommodate your child’s wishes if reasonable如果孩子愿望合理，可以滿足I squandered away the wonderful opportunity during the transition period between summer and winter when the weather was starting to cool down, but it was not quite cold yet. With my in-laws watching me, I felt the stress to show that I was in charge. What I ended up in was a lot of power struggle that pushed my daughter’s resolve to refuse to wear the cold weather clothes. This was such a lost opportunity since I had the perfect chance to empathies withher wishes and slowly transition her to the new wardrobe.在夏天和冬天過渡那段時間，我浪費(fèi)了很多機(jī)會。那個時候，天氣才開始慢慢變冷，但還不是特別冷。有岳父岳母在，想要表現(xiàn)的所有事情我都處理的有條不紊，還是很有壓力的。我定下了許多規(guī)矩，強(qiáng)迫女兒，她卻還是拒絕穿冬天的衣服。就這樣失去了很多機(jī)會，我開始考慮并合理滿足她的愿望，逐漸過渡到她的新衣服上來。

4Be open minded開誠布公Sometimes you just can’t see the forest for the trees. When you are in a rut, give up your pride and listen to well-intended advice. You may not think it works, but give it a whole-hearted try anyway. You never know what might come out of it unless you try!有時候，你不能只見樹木，不見森林。不要總是一成不變，放下你的自尊，傾聽別人的建議，你可能覺得這個建議沒用，更不會盡力去嘗試。而在大多數(shù)時候，你不去嘗試，你永遠(yuǎn)不知道會有什么結(jié)果。

5Get creative, evolve不斷創(chuàng)新和改變Your first attempt may not quite pan out as you hoped, but tweak your approach until you figure out something that works. By timing the request to choose her clothes, by putting a deadline on how much time she had to pick them out, and by offering an incentive for doing the task, we were able to find a system that in my opinion is just perfect.第一次嘗試可能不會像你想象的那樣成功，但在找到你認(rèn)為適合的方法后，一定要盡全力去嘗試。要求她選擇自己的衣服，規(guī)定選擇衣服的時間，并鼓勵她完成一些任務(wù)，這樣我們就形成了一個系統(tǒng)，在我看來，這個系統(tǒng)是恰到好處的。

6At first, it requires discipline. In the end, it’s just another habit開始要有紀(jì)律，后來才能形成習(xí)慣We had to really remember to get her to pick out her clothes every single night.We had to enforce the “no extension because you did not keep your end of the deal” a few times. But in the end what came out is a wonderful habit that has sustained the test of time.每天晚上我們都要記住，讓她挑選好第二天要穿的衣服。有好幾次，我們表示 “你必須準(zhǔn)時上床睡覺，因?yàn)槟阋矝]有遵守規(guī)定”。結(jié)果證明，這么做是對的，這讓她養(yǎng)成了好習(xí)慣，并經(jīng)得起時間的考驗(yàn)。

And as always, give yourself the permission to fail, but never the permission to quit. If one thing did not work, just move on to figure something else that does.同樣地，可以允許自己失敗，但不允許自己放棄。如果這樣不起作用，那 繼續(xù)探索，總會找到有用的方法。 

The 2-Minute Action Plan for Fine Parents好父母兩分鐘行動計劃

If you just read and do nothing about it, nothing will ever change. We are in this journey together to break some of old habits and create some new ones. It need not be something I list, but as long you do take some action that helps you make progress, it’s all good!.Answer some of these quick questions –1） What is the one contentious situation that plays out over and over in your house?2）Why does your child do this? Can you accommodate your child’s wishes in some way? (Remember, even partially accommodating them is better than total rejection.)3） How can you prevent this situation from playing out the next time?如果你只是看或什么事情也不做，那就什么也不會改變。人生就是一個旅程，打破那些壞習(xí)慣，形成好習(xí)慣。不一定是我所列出來的，只要能幫助你進(jìn)步，就是好的。今天的行動計劃——快速回答以下問題：1）你家反復(fù)發(fā)生的爭議是什么？2）為什么你孩子會這么做？你會用某些方法滿足你孩子的愿望嗎？（記住，適當(dāng)滿足比完全拒絕好的多）。3）你如何防止這種情況再次發(fā)生？

You don’t have to answer these questions out loud… they are here to get your thought process started. That said, I do find that for me, personally, putting things down in writing really helps clarify a situation. So, I would highly recommend you see if that works for you too.  你不用大聲回答這些問題，這只是告訴你要開始改變。我的確找到了一些方法，就個人來說，把事情寫下來會更清楚地闡明當(dāng)時的情況，因此我強(qiáng)烈向你推薦這種方法，試一試這是不是也適合你。 

The Ongoing Action Plan for Fine Parents優(yōu)秀父母的持續(xù)性計劃 Through the little exercise above, you may have identified the one situation that causes the most stress in your household. Or maybe you came up with a list of several. If it is the latter, then pick one instance. At the beginning it’s much easier to make progress and succeed if you focus your attention on just one situation. After you tackle one, it will be a lot easier to get to the others.通過上述的練習(xí)，你可能會找到你家發(fā)生沖突的根源，甚至能找到好幾個。如果是后者，立即選一個。 在開始的時候，如果你能集中注意力解決一個問題，會更容易進(jìn)步和成功。處理完其中一個，其他的也更容易解決。 
If you don’t have any situations like this – either you are really doing great already, or need to keep looking. If it the former, Congratulations! Keep on doing what you are already doing. And drop a note below with tips on how you have achieved it – we will all be very thankful to learn from you! If it is the latter, make sure you have looked at all aspects of your daily life – eg., bedtime battles, sibling rivalry, the morning routine, chores, spending habits, screen time (TV/Internet/video games etc), time with friends, healthy eating habits, homework, etc. 如果這些情況都沒有——要么是你確實(shí)做得很好，要么就是還沒發(fā)現(xiàn)問題。如果是前者，那就恭喜你了！保持下去，并記下你是如何做到的，我們希望能向您學(xué)習(xí)。如果您是后者，請確保你觀察到了日常生活的方方面面，比如睡前斗爭、兄弟掐架、早晨例事、家務(wù)、花銷習(xí)慣、屏幕時間（電視、上網(wǎng)、游戲等）、和朋友在一起的時間、健康的飲食習(xí)慣和家庭作業(yè)等。 
小編按 
 

1建議您花一周的時間找到避免這種情況的方法，并作出計劃。2如果愿意，請在留言板與大家一起分享，可以一起交流，一起進(jìn)步。3如果愿意，歡迎戳小編哦，可以和小編一起交流。

最本文由天天30分鐘英語（dayday30）編譯整理，譯文版權(quán)歸本公眾號所有，轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處，若用于其它用途，請聯(lián)系本公眾號，違者必究。